You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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