did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
