Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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