Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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