I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
