Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
