Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
