I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
