I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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