I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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