So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
