Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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