Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize