Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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