I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
