bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
