take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He? As in you personified your dick?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize