i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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