our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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