I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
