I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize