I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
