dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
