Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
