yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
