Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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