I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
