i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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