People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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