she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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