he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
