I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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