i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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