You're so nebulous sometimes
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
