I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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