using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
