We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize