Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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