Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
