I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
