I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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