Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
