I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
