i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
