i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
