so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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