I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
now i know why i became what i already was.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
