Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
