I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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