who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
