It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize