dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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