Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
