3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
