she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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