How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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