Ambien. No doubt about it.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
