how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's official drugs can't kill me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
