I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
