Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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