so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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