The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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