The maid of honor just puked.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
